FR 526 FRENCH FILM

Spring 2012 Jean-Jacques Thomas

Lecture n^o 3

© Culture Shock!

Sally Adamson Taylor

Portland: Graphic Arts Center Publishing Co, 1990

Parlez-vous français?  [26 -34]

NON- VERBAL COMMUNICATION

To learn anything about a culture, you have to communicate, and the most basic form of communication is non-verbal. We all know people with no language skills who get along great wherever they go. They have great intuitive non-verbal skills. You can get a long way if you are blessed with these.
But if you aren't, you can get into trouble in a hurry by miscommunicating or misunderstanding the rules of French non-verbal communication. So let us introduce some of the basics.
 

Eye Contact

Making eye-contact is a serious statement of equality in France. It is a recognition of the other person's identity and is considered too personal for use with strangers. Generally, avoid eye contact when walking down the street, especially if you are a woman.
If you look directly into a stranger's eyes on the street or in a cafe, for example, that will construed as a request for intimacy, a "pick-up" in the American vernacular.
As a man, however, you have the "right" to toss a look at a woman whom you find attractive. Polly Platt calls this "the Look" in her book French or Foe? and every woman who comes to France quickly becomes aware of it. Take it as a compliment, but don't return it and don't smile unless you want to progress to the next level with that person. More on smiling in a minute.
Refusing to make eye contact gives you distance. (This also works when driving an automobile, as we will see later.) On the other hand, refusing to make eye contact with someone you are dealing with directly is a "put down", especially if that person is your waiter or shop attendant. To appear genuine, establish some brief eye contact, especially with people who are supposed to be helping you. You will get a far better response.

The Smile

If you are American, this is going to be your single biggest non- verbal miscommunication when in France. The tendency of Americans is to smile all the time, to appear friendly and reasonable. The French do not trust a smile. If they can see no apparent reason for it, it smacks of hypocrisy , a very unpleasant thing to a French person. English and Asian readers will understand this French reticence about smiling quite easily.
I am a Californian. I smile automatically. I look better when I smile and I feel better. But in France I constantly remind myself to wipe that smile off my face as I walk down the street just happy to be in Paris. It gives the wrong message. It makes people nervous, if I do. Am I an idiot, they wonder? Am I laughing at their expense?
While I love France and I love being there, I know that a constant smile on my face will not convey my appreciation. Don't get me wrong - you can smile a lot when in France. But not until you break that public shield and get involved with someone specific for a specific reason.
You don't smile at a stranger on the street and say "hello" just to be friendly. If a construction worker whistles at you or a stranger gives you "the Look" or a street person asks you for money, your lack of expressing keeps the situation neutral and dignified. It is your best response.
There is a wonderful example of this in Polly Platt's book French or Foe? where she recalls showing some French executives a picture of their then-President Mitterand at an informal meeting in Texas, smiling. Nobody recognized him! He never smiles for the cameras in France, or at least they don't publish those shots.
This is not to say the French do not smile or that smiles aren't important. The French love to smile, and do so very quickly, as soon as a reason to do so has been established. More on that in the section on conversation.

The Reverse Kiss
The French make a "poof" sound, at the same time blowing air out of their mouth and protracting their lips. That means "it's nothing", either negative or positive, depending on the situation and context. It's currently a very popular expression and one of many non-verbal means of communication you will find.

Using the Fingers and Hands
When counting in Europe, "one" is the thumb. The index finger and thumb extended together means "two". So putting up an index finger to mean "one" is confusing to French people. Do you mean "one" (the thumb) or "two" (the thumb and index finger)? Don't snap your fingers at a person, anywhere. That is considered rude and condescending.
The French love to speak with their hands. Here is some of the more common vocabulary:
• One or several fingers circling at the temple means "that guy is crazy" (dingue) and is usually accompanied by a goofy expression.
• Holding one's nose with the fist and faking a tum indicates "that guy is drunk." (ll est saoul.)
• Kissing the tips of one's fingers means "delicious", whether it is the food at table or a woman walking down the street.
• Pulling the right cheek downward at the eye, with the right hand means, "I don't believe it." (Lit. mon œil as in "my foot".)
• The "OK" circle made with the tip of the thumb and index fingers touching also means "excellent", especially if accompanied by a pucker of the lips.
• Likewise, thumbs down means bad. Thumbs up means Super!
• A hand wiped across the forehead or just above the hairline means "I've had it up to here." (J'en ai ras-le-bol.)
• Using the back of the fingers to stroke the right cheek as if it were a beard means Quelle barbe or "What a bore."
• The finger tips rubbed together, with the thumb up, as if one were feeling fabric, means "Expensive".
• The fingers together, all reaching skyward, means "I'm afraid" or "he's afraid." (Lit. "Soft balls, we can feel them.") With the reverse kiss, the "poof", it is contemptuous commentary roughly equivalent to "screw you".
• That same "poof" with a hand throwing something over the opposite shoulder means, "It's nothing; I'm above this."
• Making a fist with the right hand and stretching out that arm, then "breaking" it at the elbow with the left wrist is equivalent, in other places, to raising one's middle finger. (Va te faire foutre! or "Get stuffed!")

• Making a fist and shaking it leisurely in front of one's chest is often used by men to mean "He's a jerk", and is really an imitation of "jerking off'.
• The fingers flat against the lips with eyes open means, "Oops, I made a mistake." No verbal comment is necessary.
• Shaking the fingers of the right hand in front of the chest means great surprise and excitement, positive or negative, and is appro¬priately accompanied by an "oh, la, la!"
• Both hands up in front of the chest, palms out, with a shrug means "I don't know" or "Hey, it's not my job."
• Raising the shoulders, the classic French shrug, means "This is ridiculous."
You will find many more of these, as the French constantly speak non-verbally. It is a wonderful part of their Mediterranean heritage and great drama to watch on the street or at a cafe. That's why putting one's hands in one's pockets is considered impolite, especially when in conversation. And that is probably also why the handshake is so important.

Shaking Hands
The French shake hands with everyone they know, unless they kiss them, instead (see "The Double Kiss"). It's not a strong handshake, in the gripper American-style, with a long, serious moment of eye contact. It's a brief holding of the hands with an even briefer visual acknowledgement, but it is most important as a French greeting.
Children are taught to shake hands from the time they can walk. Yet at first, it can be most aggravating, this business of handshaking, especially in offices and banks. I've gone to my bank first thing in the morning and watched an endless round of handshake greetings amongst the bank staff behind the counter. I watch helplessly, hoping at some point my teller will be able to free his hands and attention long enough to get on with his job. But this is part of his job! Each employee is obliged to make a handshaking round to every other employee both on arrival and on departure. In a small office with 20 employees ... that's 800 handshakes each day! Comparing such counterproductive formalities with the rush to serve customers in places like Hong Kong, one wonders how the French have managed to retain one of the world's strongest economies.
You will soon become accustomed to the handshake, and soon be able to imitate the lightness of touch and eye-contact required. When you do get into a handshaking situation yourself, whether at work or in company, be sure not to exclude anyone, even if you don't know them.

The Double Kiss
Between friends who are greeting or parting, a kiss on both cheeks is normal, even in public. Again, if there is a group, you should be sure to include everyone, even if you don' t really know them, treating them as family. Don't panic. This is not usually expected in business and certainly not between businessmen, only between women, between men and women, between adults and children and between men who are members of the same family.
This is a tough one for the Asians and Anglo-Saxons not accustomed to facial contact with any but our most intimate circle. I find myself more comfortable with this exercise the longer I stay in France and have tried to carry the habit home with me, with some success. Among women, particularly, it is an enjoyable expression of affection, once the technique is perfected. One starts with the right cheeks touching, usually. But if the other person seems bound and determined to go for the left cheek first, for heaven's sake make that one available instead. Otherwise you may smash into each other's mouths, a painful and embarrassingly intimate error.
Most foreigners, myself included, have reduced the intimacy of the double kiss by "kissing the air", instead of actually touching lips to cheek. Given our anatomical design, only one of the two people can actually get their mouth in contact with the other's check each time, anyway. So most of us let the French friend make that contact, if they choose. Many French also use this "kissing the air" technique.
Extra touches express greater affection, one assumes. Three touches, alternating cheeks each time, is show of further intimacy and not unusual in Paris. Parisian women will even extend it to four with their women friends, which is gilding the lily a bit.

Whole Body Language
French women and men, especially Parisians, have a reputation for being stunningly good-looking. I've been amazed to find that, in fact," they aren't really particularly beautiful, by Hollywood standards. Their skin may be poor or their teeth bad. They may look tired around the eyes and many French women never bother with make-up. What gives the French an aura of beauty is the way they present themselves. They hold their bodies erect and they are conscious of themselves as extensions of their whole personality. Like actors, they make their bodies convey whatever message they feel appropriate. The usual messages are: "I am intelligent/sincere/well-raised." It works. In this way, they convey an inner beauty.
It doesn't hurt, of course, that some Parisians are horrified by the prospect of getting fat and diet religiously and walk everywhere, so they do look good in the beautiful and expensive clothes they wear. But others convey elegance and a sense of themselves in blue jeans.
I am also surprised to find how few are more than vaguely aware of this powerful performance their body language presents. This proper carriage and the importance of presentation is taught at an early age and is everywhere apparent. It is second nature to the French to look good, whatever they wear, and thereby convey who they are.
An international quickly becomes aware of this and more conscious, in turn, of the way he is dressed and the way his body conveys messages. We have a section on "Fashion" and its importance in public life, but the whole body language of the French really conveys the message. You will find yourself imitating in short order. I have seen women on the street who looked totally, typically, elegantly French, and found, as we passed, they were speaking English with American accents! Of course, they did not wear these baggy running suits, clunky running shoes and hang big, messy backpacks over themselves, like so many American tourists. But hey, I've also seen Frenchmen and women dress elegantly in running suits.
To convey your own "best" whole body language, come to France in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Walk tall. Reserve your smiles for people you deal with directly. You'll pick up the finer points as you go along.

Touching
The other "whole body" language that the French use is touching.
They touch each other to express friendship rather than any physical desire. This is reserved for friends, of course, but close physical contact can be expected in crowded places in Paris. Just watch for pick pockets in such conditions and if a stranger purposely touches you, give a really nasty "poof' or just ignore him completely, and keep walking, head held high.